Meet the Sweathogs

SWEATHOGS Game On! Meet the Sweathogs

Active Roster 2007-2008

No, you won't find Barbarino or Horshak here. These Sweathogs don't hang out at school (except Ryan, Jeff, Kevin and Dennis), although they'll take you there. They are the Sweathogs of the basketball court. Never has there been a finer combination of basketball and television from the seventies. So sit back and enjoy reading about your favourite Hogs the one-time Supreme Intergalactic Champions of Winnipeg Senior Men's Basketball Division 4. Check yourself before you wreck yourself!

#3 DENNIS DARE

Dennis is not only the coach of the Hogs, but he's also the franchise owner and GM. A broken finger sidelined "Iverson" for the second half of the 2002-2003 season, allowing him to concentrate his efforts on perfecting his trash-talking abilities. Dennis also took the time off to locate the area inside the three point line. Before the injury, Dennis was leading the Hogs in three point field goal percentage (45%). His percentage inside the arc was even more impressive, at 50% (he took two shots, and missed one wide-open lay-up). The Hogs are glad to have his crooked-finger back in the game raining 3 pointers on unsuspecting opponents that mistake him for Enrique. "Oh no you didn't!" 2004 Season Highlight was a six 3-pointer performance in the season's second half.

Points per game: a multiple of 3
Assists per game: 3
Rebounds per game: 3
Strategic time-outs per game: 2.6

#4 JASON MANN

"J-Bone", as he is known by his teammates, has been a Hog from the start. His "smashmouth" style of basketball is his bread and butter, when this geologist calls for the "rock" he isn't kidding around! Watch your chicklets when J-Bone is dropping the science down low as you are likely to get a taste of his forearm, shoulder or elbow. His aggressive play has also been known to generate the occassional technical foul and once in a while he has been known to offend the odd opponent or two. This 6 foot 4 inch post uses his braun and aggressive play where he lacks in height. Jason's free throws have been known to enter the stratosphere as his shots are never short on arc. Look out for this one, ladies; he likes it rough! Note that J's wife Brandy often provides an extra assist from the sidelines with some much needed trash talk for the opponents, often questioning their sexuality as much as their game.  New edition Presley is proud to watch her daddy lay the smack down on chumps.

Points per game: 9.5
Free throw hang time: 17.38 seconds
Rebounds per game: 23
MPE (Moosehead Per Evening): 12

#11 BILLY CROSSMAN

Bill's similarities to the man of steel go beyond his uncanny resemblance to Clark Kent. He also wears blue long-johns and red short-shorts. Bill has stepped up his play several times for the Hogs this year. His constant hussle and sick drives to the hole will have you jumping out of your seat to say "Thank you, Superman!" He also is known for setting up his teammates with bullet-like passes. Bill leads the team in one unfortunate category. Technical fouls. Remember "Superman 3" when Superman turns evil and uses his super-powers against law-abiding citizens? It's kinda like that. Sweathogs sometimes like to challenge Bill with an old high school game of "catch this Bill" when sending terrible passes his way.

Points per game: 6.7
Assists per game: 8.2
Rebounds per game: 4.7
Fouls per game: that's a "T"!

#14 OLIVER YAMBAO

Ollie will make your slow old ass look silly with his repertoire of moves and his intense defensive pressure. Recruited by the "Coach", this veteran street-baller has got game that only comes from years of practice and dedication, and speed that your sorry ass can't learn. Watch out for the double-clutch underhand scoop lay-up fool - you're about to be burnt, cajun style. Does more shakin' and bakin' on the court than J-Bone on the dancefloor. Bam!  Oliver's lady, Christine has also been a mainstay on the Sweathogs sideline, trash talking foes who try to step to her man while managing to keep stats so the team can find out just how bad their shooting really is!

Selected Career Statistics
Defenders burnt per game: 14 extra crisp, 4 medium-well, 5 just right!
Chicken wings consumed on avg. Thursday night: 22
Shoes sold to friends at discount: 27 pairs
Steals per game: 7.2

#15 DAVID FRIESEN

"Chuck" earned his nickname by hitting the 30-foot game winning shot in the Sweathogs first-ever meeting with their arch-rivals, Crakcle. Dave isn't afraid to shoot. I mean, REALLY not afraid. Sometimes he'll take the ball to the hole against all five defenders and the ref. His teammates don't object too much, as he often finds a way to score. His game is one of finesse, but don't tell that to the backboard (it takes a beating, as Dave will bank it in from anywhere). This window-washing professional by-day likes to lay the beats to the glass at night! Dave is often a leader in point production and comes up big in clutch games. Also known as "Carlton" for his unique ivy league warm-up gear.

Points per game: 16.0
Assists per game: Dave, we're open!!!
Rebounds per game: 6.8
Beers post game: 6 (in approx. 8 minutes)

#21 CADE ARASON

Is that the guy from student bodies? No, not the cool one, the dorky one! A commonly overheard phrase at a Sweathog game might be, "Wow, look at that guy hussle!" They are undoubtedly talking about Cade "Air"ason. He hates to lose and will put it all on the line to help the Hogs to victory. An unselfish player, Cade-O likes to distribute the ball to the posts either directly (via pass) or indirectly (via brick). He likes to get his 3 point attempts in, and avoids entering the key where all the big sweaty guys play, unless trying to leap over them to snag a rebound.  The official accountant of the Sweathogs, he always knows the score (because he is on the bench watching the scoreboard hoping for someone to cramp up and come out of the game). But "enough already" about Cade.

Points per game: usually
Assists per game: 12.236009 (Cade's a CA)
Rebounds per game: 6.071128
Snide remarks per game: 18.549

#22 RYAN KANGAS

Ryan "Norwood" Kangas loves to mix it up with his opponents. He used to go by "Hollywood" before a recent relocation and new home purchase.  He'll put you in "lock down" with his trash talk, even if you are the ref. Ryan talks the talk because he can walk the walk. Not afraid to shoot the rock, Ryan can be both an inside threat, an outside threat(and I mean OUTSIDE, as he has made some shots from the suburbs) and a threat to society. Norwood often leads the team in scoring, and always makes the scoresheet. Norwood likes to fire up the team for big games by covering his arms and legs in homemade tattoos, usually of the vulgar variety. He better be careful though, or he may be "black-balled." A huge fan of Ron Thompson, John Sauder and Sylvia Kuzik - Ryan often proclaims his forecast for rain throughout the game... "Let It Rain!!"  Also known as "Seacrest", not because of his namesake, but because he "really digs Clay Aiken's tunes man!"

Points per game: 17.1
Assists per game: 1.3
Rebounds per game: 12.5
Fouls per game: 6.5 (add one for barking at the refs)

#33 JEFF SINNOCK

This self-proclaimed "Wizard" has been a Hog as long as anyone. Dog-dirty defence, clutching and grabbing, pushing and fouling. Jeff says, if he can get away with it, he'll do it. Nobody in basketball is more excited by their own defensive play than Jeff - he can often be seen applauding his own work (earning him the moniker "The Clap")on the court and has trouble containing his excitement.It seems to work for him, as the team often calls on "The Wiz" for a defensive stop. "The Clap" is as sure-handed as any Hog on the fast break and often makes the tough play look oh so easy. Constantly challenges for the lead in minutes played, as he rarely comes off the court.  At one time he was known as "the Tank", or simply "225" when he was at his maximum game weight.  He is now on European hiatus, scouring Europe's pubs for a mug of tasty brew, forever in search of his long-lost jump shot.  The Wiz returned to Peg City for the 2006-2007 season, fresh off of 3 years of schooling young children with his game on the courts of Lisbon.

Points per game: 15.8
New hairstyles per week: 5.2
Beers post game: 6.4
Fouls per game: If they called all fouls, about 47

#24 NEIL PAWLYK

Don't be fooled by the shots that he blocks. "Stretch" can post you up, but he prefers to play his game from the perimeter. Opponents often make the mistake of leaving Neil open from the outside, and he procedes to nail the shot like its a dirty ho. Offensive rebounds and blocked shots is how this tall drink of water contributes most. Neil can be the top scoring Hog on any given Sunday, if his shot is on. If not, look for lots of rebounds and a touch of rage. Recovering from an off-season drinking/croquet injury - "Slim" is busy re-habbing his ankle for another run at the title. Rehab activities consist primarily of consuming beer and surfing the internet.  Following a mid-season pinky injury, Neil now boasts the second worst mangled finger on the team, following behind Dennis "The Claw" Dare.

Points per game: 15.9
Assists per game: 4.4
Rebounds per game: sometimes 6 in one play!
Fouls per game: 1.1 (he's a gentle giant)

#47 SCOTT LANCASTER

Scott "Lank Dog" Lancaster made his Sweathogs debut in 2007-2008 after being picked up on waivers where he had apparently been gathering dust for 13 years since his high school "glory days" at College Jean Sauve.  Lank's pre-game warm-up consists of 5 or 6 stiff drinks, usually scotch on the rocks will do... earning him the nickname "Scott on the Rocks."  When not watching his complete DVD sets of Night Court and LA Law and sending fan mail to John Larroquette and Corbin Bernsen, this legal beagle spends his days bribing judges with free tanning minutes and fake Ping golf clubs.  Scott's other interests include drinking kegs of beer.  He resides at Earl's on Main which makes for a nice short commute to the Duckworth for games.

Points per Game: 2.9
Scotches pre-game: 4.7
Rocks per scotch: 3.6
Objections per game: 5.7 (Your Honour!)